Bliss Switch
My mind never rests. It seems to be processing things all the time. More than what some people do, but not as much as others I am sure. Thoughts dance across my mind. Some thoughts excite me and tease me about life’s possibilities. Other thoughts scare me to the point that I don’t even want to walk out the front door. I can relate to a lyric in Henry Rollins song Disconnect. It says, “ I want to disconnect myself, pull my brainstem out and unplug myself.” I have always wished that I had that bliss switch that I could flip on and off when needed. If I had that ability, the question would be would I ever turn off the bliss. Would ignorance be a comfortable silence? Would it make the thinking side unbearable?
I
hear people talk about past memories. I try to dig back to past memories and
wonder why I am not able to pull anything up. Sometimes when a memory is feed
to me it is as vivid as the day it happened. Other times I have no recollection
at all. It makes me wonder if I do have
a similar switch or is it more of a wall. So much runs through my head that
maybe I placed a wall to separate now and the past. In doing so, some of the
memories were pushed so far back they are lost forever. Or is this my belief
because it is easier to believe there is a logical reason.
Thoughts,
images and sounds fill my head during my waking hours. I never realized this
might be why I always craved to sleep. The silence of sleep is so golden that I
just can’t get enough of it. Sometimes I feel like I could sleep forever for
many reasons but mostly as an escape. If was able to sleep that way I would be
dead right? I guess this is why I wasn’t made with the bliss switch,
I would never turn it off.
Written
by Lanis